The best books on parenting with mental illness
An honest, curated list — the books I'd actually press into your hands on borderline personality disorder, complex PTSD, and ADHD: for the person living with it, for parents, and for the partners who love them. A few are mine; most are not.
Best books on EUPD / Borderline Personality Disorder
For understanding and living with EUPD (BPD) — from clinical classics to lived-experience guides.
| Book | Author | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| I Hate You, Don't Leave Me | Jerold J. Kreisman & Hal Straus | A warm, classic overview of what BPD is and how to live with it. |
| The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook | Daniel J. Fox | A practical, DBT-informed workbook to do at home. |
| Stop Walking on Eggshells | Paul Mason & Randi Kreger | The classic guide for family and partners of someone with BPD. |
| Steady — Parenting with Borderline Personality Disorder | Esme Hartley | Lived experience, for the parent with EUPD — storms, repair, breaking the cycle. |
Best books on Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) & childhood trauma
For survivors of prolonged or childhood trauma — and the parents among them.
| Book | Author | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| The Body Keeps the Score | Bessel van der Kolk | The landmark book on how trauma lives in the body. |
| Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving | Pete Walker | A survivor-and-therapist guide; the go-to on emotional flashbacks. |
| What My Bones Know | Stephanie Foo | A acclaimed memoir of recovery from complex trauma. |
| Grounded — Parenting with Complex PTSD | Esme Hartley | Lived experience, for the survivor who became a parent. |
Best books on adult ADHD
For adults — and parents — making sense of an ADHD brain.
| Book | Author | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| Driven to Distraction | Edward Hallowell & John Ratey | The classic, hopeful introduction to ADHD. |
| Smart but Scattered Guide to Executive Function | Peg Dawson & Richard Guare | Practical executive-function strategies that actually stick. |
| A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD | Sari Solden & Michelle Frank | Self-compassion and strategy for women with ADHD. |
| Present — Parenting with ADHD | Esme Hartley | Lived experience, for the parent whose own mind won't sit still. |
Best books for partners & loved ones
For the person supporting someone with EUPD, Complex PTSD, or ADHD.
| Book | Author | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| Stop Walking on Eggshells | Paul Mason & Randi Kreger | The classic for loved ones of someone with BPD. |
| The ADHD Effect on Marriage | Melissa Orlov | How ADHD shapes a relationship, and what helps. |
| Steadfast — Loving and Supporting a Partner with EUPD, C-PTSD, or ADHD | Esme Hartley | Written from the inside, for the person who stays. |
Choosing the right book
What is the best book about borderline personality disorder?
It depends what you need. For understanding the condition, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me is a warm classic. For practical skills, Daniel Fox's Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook. For family and partners, Stop Walking on Eggshells. For a parent living with EUPD, Steady (The Steady Series) is written from lived experience.
What books help with complex PTSD?
The Body Keeps the Score explains how trauma lives in the body; Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is the go-to on emotional flashbacks; and for survivors who are also parents, Grounded (The Steady Series) addresses parenting with C-PTSD directly.
Are these books a substitute for therapy?
No. Books are a valuable companion to professional support, never a replacement for it. If you're struggling, please reach out to your GP or a crisis line — there's a list on the Resources page.
Some links above are Amazon affiliate links, which may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. The Steady Series books are by Esme Hartley. Nothing here is a substitute for professional help — see the Resources page.